The first 90 days of recovery are the most critical—and the most challenging. Your young adult is navigating cravings, building new routines, and learning to live without their substance of choice. As a parent, you want to help, but you're not sure how.
Here's what actually helps (and what doesn't) during early recovery.
What Early Recovery Looks Like
Early recovery is not a straight line. Expect:
- Emotional volatility: Mood swings, irritability, anxiety, depression
- Physical symptoms: Sleep issues, fatigue, cravings
- Social awkwardness: Struggling to connect with sober peers
- Identity confusion: "Who am I without substances?"
- Pink cloud and crashes: Initial euphoria followed by reality setting in
All of this is normal. Recovery is hard work.
The Balance: Support Without Enabling
This is the trickiest part. You want to be supportive, but you don't want to make it too easy for them to avoid responsibility.
Support Looks Like:
- Celebrating milestones (30 days, 60 days, etc.)
- Providing structure and routine at home
- Attending family therapy or support groups
- Learning about addiction and recovery
- Being emotionally available without rescuing
Enabling Looks Like:
- Making excuses for their behavior
- Providing money without accountability
- Allowing substance use "just this once"
- Protecting them from natural consequences
- Taking over responsibilities they should handle
Practical Strategies That Work
1. Create a Recovery-Friendly Home Environment
- Remove all alcohol and drugs from the home
- Establish clear boundaries and expectations
- Build in structure (regular meal times, sleep schedule)
- Limit access to old using friends
2. Stay Connected Without Hovering
- Regular check-ins, not constant surveillance
- Ask open-ended questions: "How are you feeling today?"
- Listen more than you lecture
- Respect their privacy while maintaining boundaries
3. Support Their Support System
- Encourage (don't force) 12-step meetings or other recovery groups
- Help them connect with sober peers
- Support their relationship with a sponsor or coach
- Facilitate transportation to meetings or therapy
4. Take Care of Yourself
- Attend Al-Anon or other family support groups
- See your own therapist
- Maintain your own routines and relationships
- Set boundaries to protect your own wellbeing
When to Step In vs. Step Back
Step in when:
- They're in immediate danger (suicidal, overdose risk)
- They're violating clear, pre-established boundaries
- They ask for specific, appropriate help
Step back when:
- They're handling things (even if imperfectly)
- Natural consequences will teach the lesson
- You're doing it because of your own anxiety, not their need
What to Do When They Relapse
Relapse is common, especially in early recovery. If it happens:
- Don't panic or catastrophize: One slip doesn't erase all progress
- Respond calmly but firmly: "This is serious. What's your plan to get back on track?"
- Enforce consequences: Follow through on pre-established boundaries
- Encourage immediate action: Meeting, therapist, coach—today, not tomorrow
- Look for patterns: What triggered it? What support was missing?
The Long View
Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Your role is to provide consistent, loving support while allowing your young adult to build their own recovery.
You can't do it for them. But you can create conditions that make recovery more likely to succeed.
Need guidance on supporting your young adult's recovery? Let's talk about your specific situation. Schedule a free consultation today.
